(This article has been revised on March 13th, 2019)

Living in the pursuit of blissful happiness can be a challenge, but the good news is that with determination, practice and commitment it can be achieved.

I truly believe that happiness is the most valuable treasure we can find, but like anything worth pursuing, I have also found that it does not come easy.

If you, like myself, are someone who does not have an innate predisposition for happiness, living in the pursuit of happiness is not walk in the park. It does not come without effort, commitment and dedication. There is no miracle recipe, or any self-help book, that will turn your life around overnight, to transform you into a happy person. It takes a lot of acknowledgement, patience, persistence and perseverance to find the path of happiness.

Here is my personal checklist that resulted from my experience of three years actively living in the pursuit of happiness which eventually resulted in the launch of this blog.

This post is meant to be food for thought, just a warm-up exercise to get you thinking.

I will be talking about the various points from this list individually and in more depth in future posts.

Be prepared. It’s quite a challenging list!

1 – Finding your life purpose

The process of figuring out my life purpose has proven to be the starting point of finding the way to a blissful life. It has given me direction, a sense of clarity, of belonging and a clear master plan of what I need to do and who I need to become, to get to where I want to be.

Understanding what is my mission in this world (a not so quick and easy exercise, I must add) has ignited the fire to make me work toward everything I desire, and turn it into reality – my new, chosen reality.

I found inspiration and guidance in the book The Success Principles, by Jack Canfield, a New York Times bestseller author, Success Coach, corporate trainer, amongst many other attributes. The book walks you through this process in a very logical, easy and fun way. I wished it had been around when I was deciding which study area to follow in high school and university!

I highly recommend reading the The Success Principles to anyone who is in search of new horizons, feeling without direction or is dissatisfied with their personal or professional life.

Nowadays, The Success Principles is in my list of must-read-every-year books and as a matter of fact, since I received the book in December 2014, every year between December and January I go over it again to refresh my memory and set the tone for the year to come.

2 – Forgive yourself

Most of us blame ourselves for something we have done or did not do. Don’t go down that path! What is done, or not done is the past, therefore there is nothing you can do about it. Concentrate on the present because that is where life happens! Torturing yourself for things in the past will not help you move forward. If there is anything you can fix, do it, otherwise just move on and commit not to repeat it and to create a better future.

3 – Let go of your ego

This is probably one of the most difficult things to do. Our defensive or aggressive reactions are the voice of our ego. The expression “to take things personally” means that the ego has been hurt. Our ego can be one of the worst enemies and our highest barrier to happiness.

4 – Exorcise your ghosts

Ghosts are things from the past. I personally attribute them to people, not necessarily events. It could be a failed relationship, a family member who did you wrong, a business associate or a friend who betrayed you. I believe that communication in queen; so if it makes sense to speak and make peace do it, otherwise exorcise it. Put it to rest and don’t dwell on it. Learn with the experience and move on. Do whatever is in your power to free yourself. These ghosts bring negative feeling and vibrations. They are like anchors. If you don’t release them, they will keep you stuck in the same place for a very long time.

5 – Be ready to leave your comfort zone

Be open-minded and flexible. Embrace change. Think outside the box. Await change with open arms. Don’t be afraid. Fear is one of happiness biggest enemy. It is a negative feeling, with powerful blocking capacity. We fear by anticipating negative outcomes. That does not make sense! We don’t have a crystal ball! So why go through the negative experience? There is always at least a 50% chance of a positive outcome so why concentrate on the change of the other 50%? Just have faith!

6 – Let your guard down

Happiness comes when you are ready, so prepare yourself for it. Find out what you need to do, who you need to become to be a happy person and take the necessary actions. Letting your guards down, thus allowing yourself to be vulnerable can be very revealing and rewarding.

In my experience, not feeling the need to be a “tough cookie” all the time, opened a door to my real feelings. This emotional release proved to be crucial. Most people I know who are tough, are basically hurt and insecure. Being tough is an emotional defence because they don’t know any other way to cope. On the other side of the spectrum, the most serene people I know don’t advertise their strength. They are at peace with who they are and thus much happier and calmer.

Acknowledge that there are aspects of yourself that need to be changed or adapted, especially your mindset, and don’t be afraid to change them.

Sometimes I hear people say, “I am not a negative person. I am just realistic” or “I’ve been like that all my life, now it’s too late to change”. When I hear someone say that, my heart shrinks in sorrow. To me, it just means they are so afraid to fail that they don’t even try.

7 – Get rid of toxic people in your life

We all have toxic people around us. It’s easy to identify them. They are the ones that make you feel uneasy when you are in their company. Simply put, you just feel like running away from them. They are drama queens and all about themselves. They are manipulative and like to play victim. Ultimately, they are very negative. They are naturally sceptical, always with negatives remarks and showing barriers instead of alternatives, always complaining. They never have a word of encouragement and emanate heavy negative energy.

I find it fundamental to learn how to handle toxic people. If you care about the person, it is worth trying to help by showing a different way, otherwise just get rid of them, because they will be an impediment to your emotional well being and an energy vampire. They will contaminate you with their negativity. If you want to feel good and move forward, you need to surround yourself with people who are uplifting, positive, encouraging and driven. People who make you laugh and encourage you to progress.

8 – Be positive

If you are not a naturally positive person, having a constant positive attitude is quite an exercise. Trust me! The good news is that it’s doable. I’ve done it and I love it. Basically, as my mother sais, it is like, “turning lemons into lemonade”. In other words, substituting negative thoughts and negative talk with positive thoughts and words.

Sounds simple?

I started with simple exercises. For example, if I wake up and it is raining, I think “Great! The rain is watering the garden (less money in water bills) it’s feeding our plants (so they don’t die), and the grass will be pretty and green”.

I don’t believe in coincidences, so when something that I was counting on does not happen (like missing a plane or going somewhere I had planned), I always believe there is a reason for it. Maybe by not achieving what I planned was actually a good thing. Maybe something better will come along.

Faith is key in these circumstances. Keep in mind that a positive attitude generates positive things and attracts positive people.

9 – Visualize happiness

There is a lot of talk about using visualizations as a way of manipulating the subconscious mind to trigger certain feelings and emotions. This is a complex and fascinating subject, but for the moment, let’s just say that the use of image does work wonders, as it triggers good feelings and a sense of reality.

I start my days by dedicating 10 minutes to what I call my Goals & Affirmations Board, which is a PowerPoint document that I created three years ago, to be a “morning kicker”. This presentation contains my goals for the current year, my gratitude board, inspirational quotes and it starts with the “mood board”, which is a selection of photos of places, activities and foods which, by just looking at them, makes me feel inspired. After the short motivational ritual, I am ready and hipped up about the day that is about to unfold. This is just a small example of the power of visualization!

10 – Choose to be happy and commit to it

Leading a happy life is a choice. First, one must acknowledge that initially, it is a difficult path, but commit to sticking to it no matter what. It will take more or less time depending on one’s willingness to monitor and change attitudes. I will talk about monitoring in point 11.

It does not mean that you are going to ignore or not be touched by things like illness or death of a loved one. It just means that you face life from a positive angle. There are so many examples of people, with incredible willpower, who turn around their illnesses and disabilities, to transform their lives. Anybody can do it. We just have to want to breathe, eat, think, happy.

11 – Learn to monitor yourself

Remember the three monkeys? Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil? That is basically what it means. This is another exercise easier said than done. It requires you to be aware and alert about judgement, in thoughts and words. Most of us are very quick to judge others and very quick to criticise and pass pejorative comments, but how often do we look in the mirror to do the same about ourselves? Judgemental attitude comes with negative vibrations and should thus be avoided.

Try to refrain from judging for only one week, to see how challenging it can be! When you succeed, it is very rewarding, because your mind will be free to focus on other positive things, like your daily goals and objectives.

12 – Be grateful

In January 2014, I decided to start my journey toward happiness. Every morning, for a few days, I made a list of twenty-five things I was grateful for in my life. Sometimes the items on the list would be repeated, but mostly, every day I came up with new things. My list would start with things like ”I am greatful for: being alive, my health, my mother’s and my partner’s health, having food on the table, a roof over my head, warm clothes to wear in the winter, money to pay my bills, a beautiful home, a car to take me from A to B, friends who love me, my own business, the beauty of nature around me, starting my days with a symphony of birds in the garden”, and so on.

After a while, I did not need to write the list anymore. My gratitude list was naturally incorporated into my morning ritual of yoga, meditation and prayer. I like to go back to my old list sometimes, just to check if I am missing being grateful for something or to see how and if my perspective has changed.

13 – Practice compassion and altruism

I see compassion and altruism as food for the soul. They are delicacies for the spiritually developed. The ingredients of compassion and altruism are unconditional love, which most of us do not experience. Some say that only parents, especially mothers, are capable of true altruism towards their children. I cannot confirm because I never had children. But this is not the altruism I am talking about. I am talking about altruism and compassion outside our immediate family circle.

We often do good deeds and act as good Samaritans. However, what is our true intention? Is it to help others, or help us feel good? Some say it does not matter because the means justify the end (which is the help itself). But that is not altruism. See the difference?

14 – Love yourself

This was the most difficult one for me! Yes, I can say I used to be vain, had a big ego, tought I was better than others in some aspects and was probably a bit of a narcissist, in spite (or due to) of my huge insecurities. That does not mean that you love yourself! On the contrary, those are crying signals of insecurity and frustration! Loving yourself is actually accepting who you are, as you are. Acknowledging that you are human, thus imperfect. Once you get to that point, anything is possible, because you will be ready to love others. That is a cliché that I heard all my life, but it is actually so true. I did not grasp that concept until very recently.

Be nice to yourself. Talk positively to and about yourself. Pamper yourself frequently. Ajlin, a dear friend and my roommate in college, in Lugano, once told me: “Luciana you live like the world is going to end tomorrow. You never stop and are always surrounded by people. You must learn to enjoy your own company”. At the time, that sounded like absolute nonsense. “How fun is it to be alone?”, I thought. Nowadays I thoroughly enjoy my company. I enjoy my me-moments because I learned to appreciate the person that I am. What a cosy and friendly feeling!

15 – Put a higher power into the equation

Growing up I was given the choice to follow the religion that made sense to me, whenever it happened. On one hand, that was a great privilege because it gave me the freedom of choice. It did not indoctrinate me. However, it did leave me with lack of direction at critical moments and I ended up being an atheist (not agnostic), until my late twenties. By that time, I started soul searching and realised that there must be something out there that creates and guides us. Today, I have strong faith, although I don’t follow any specific religion. I am curious and like to read about different religions. I talk to God one-to-one, anywhere, anytime. It makes me fee at home.

Conclusion

When we live in pursuit of blissful happiness we must realize that living a blissful life is not about living in “La-La-Land” all the time. It is about understanding that we cannot control our outside world, but we do have the power and the tools to control the way we react to things in a way that does not affect us. This attitude leaves our mind and our heart opened to experience wow moments every day. It is a choice.